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I don't trust any of the online blogging sites to keep all of my words from eventually floating off into the ether... so I have all my blogs here as well. I update it when I feel like it, because this is more for me than it is for you. If it was for you I'd be telling you that you owed me money for the pleasure of reading it... but it's not... it's for me.
If you like it or don't like it, let me know. E-mail Me. Not that it will matter, in the end, because I really don't care what your opinion is. So there.
March 17, 2007 - A Week with Ben.
Oh, the stories I have to tell now!
Things have been getting crazy. Once I made the decision to call off going back to Australia (at least for now) things have just been clicking. Last week I went up to Ben's and stayed with him. I've been doing a tiny bit of web work for his company, Aberdean Consulting, and working on polishing up my PHP skills. I mean, for the most part, I just cooked and cleaned for Ben, but there was actual work involved on a couple of occasions.
While I was up there, I got a call from Milwaukee. Seems that there is a new greeting card company starting up and the owner is having trouble with proprietary artwork. Forgive me for being condescending, but who in their right mind starts up a greeting card company without having an artist right at their hip? Seems like common sense to me. Anyway, tomorrow I have a meeting with the owner and we're going to discuss if she can afford me. So who knows? I may be drawing and designing greeting cards!
On top of that, apparently there is a company that works in the same building as Aberdean and they just announced that they're looking for new help! (I can write this because I know I'm not going to get this blog up until well after all positions are filled.) So Ben got me an interview and I've been polishing up my resume all night.
So, if all goes well, I may seriously be moving to Madison semi-permanantly. Ben and I have even discussed the possibility of getting a duplex together. We'll see. For now, I'm just having a lot of fun with all the different directions my life is taking. I loved being in Australia because the pace was so slow and I could relax... but this is just as much fun.
Oh, and for those of you that might have forgotten, Tuesday is S&BJ day... Ella and I celebrated today. It was a good day.
-C
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March 7, 2007 - A Visit from Meggins
Today wasn't bad. I woke up with a blinding headache, but managed to survive. I got up, showered, dressed... then decided that it hurt too much and took some ibuprofin and went back to bed. Then Meg called!
Meg decided that she needed to get out of her funk and drove up to see me. It was nice. We went to the grocery store and I cooked us some chicken and mushrooms. Then we messed with her computer a bit. When that wouldn't work, we watched a movie on my laptop. Last we sat down and she told me all about her childhood before she took off into the cold cold night. I very relaxing and enjoyable day.
-C
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March 6, 2007 - A New Direction
Worked hard today. Finished a couple of pages for Quality and finished up a page for Aberdean. Now I'm working on a logo for a new supersecret business that I'm helping out with. Ben got me this new job, he seems to think that it's a good enough idea that we'll make a ton of money... I'm not so sure. I've never been a fan of the get-rich-quick schemes. I'd rather just work hard for the money. Still, I do hope it works out. I'm at a place right now that I can easily afford to put hours into a project and not get anything out of it. I sincerely hope that I'll at least be able to make a living off it. I don't want to start dipping into my savings. I have bills that are going to come due in a few months. Still, it sounds like a good plan and I'm sure it will at least be an interesting learning experience.
-C
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March 4, 2007 - Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow!
Today I went and got a haircut. The entire time I was back here, I had been letting my hair grow out. I'd had it shaped back in September, but nothing since then. I got to thinking... maybe it's because my hair is so long... you know... the reason that Australia doesn't want me back. Well, after a lot of deep soul searching, I decided that it certainly couldn't hurt. If I really wanted to get back to Australia, I'd best man-up and cut the locks.
I'm sure that NOW I'll be able to get back into Australia. I'm sure THAT'S the reason they kicked me out... cuz of my long hair.
(This blog is intended as a parody. If you don't get the reference, you weren't supposed to. If you do get the reference, then I hope by now you realize that maybe it's not the hair.)
-C
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February 26, 2007 - Transworld
Ella and I borrowed Sheryl's car today and went down to Chicago for the Transworld convention. This is an invite only (closed to the public) convention for Halloween costuming and props. This is the cool stuff. This is the stuff that you've all been waiting for me to get my hands on.
We got down to the Rosemont around 10am but the boss from the House of Darkness hadn't gotten there yet and we needed him to be there to get our badges. I mean, I was wearing my sweatshirt, but anyone can make a sweatshirt nowadays.
We started out on the main floor, mostly costuming. We saw Geoff Beck from Screamline. He was the one who liked my costume and interviewed me for his video. He asked me what I was doing this coming year (the kind of questioning that begged, "Do you already have prior committments?") and he gave me a copy of his newest video on make-up.
I took quite a bit of video and a lot of photos. Most of them are self-explanatory.
-C
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February 25, 2007 - How Cool is My $#!+?
How cool is my shit?
Sorry, that was sort of uncouth... but seriously, how cool is my shit?
Ben met me at my parents house and I now have Ubuntu running on the Linux kernal with Apache... so I'm running my laptop with a virtual machine server! Now I can test all the new MySQL and PHP stuff I've been working on!
See... that's some cool shit.
Ok, not as cool as his, but his stuff blows the minds of his co-workers. I'm not even in that league. Hey, among artist-types, what I have is WAY high tech. Most graphic artists can't even handle anything outside of a Mac.
-C
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February 9, 2007 - The End of the War.
I suppose you're wondering about the Australia plans. We were mistaken about classes starting on the 13th, they start on the 26th. Ella had everything set, she was accepted to MacQuarie University, she was IN school, all she had to do was show up for orientation. So we're making sure there is plenty of money in my account so they can access it, and searching for plane tickets, etc... when our representative lets us know that NOW all we have to do is apply for a student visa.
WHAT?
Ella sent in her paperwork in November... they waited until late January to let us know that she was accepted... and NOW we're supposed to bend time and space to get her to class on the 21st of February by applying for a visa that will likely take weeks or even months to process. Our rep said, "Oh, what most people do is just go over on a visitors visa and wait for the student visa to catch up."
I'm going to leave out the exact stream of expletives that were uttered.
So we are screwed... if she doesn't make orientation, she doesn't get into school (mandatory for international students) and they keep our $15K. Oh yeah, the amount went from $10K to $15... we had to pay the entire 3 years of health insurance up front. So I rush around, beg money off of people, and generally pull thousands of dollars out of my ass... and we STILL have the visa problem.
Now how much would you pay?!
We find out that not only do we have to apply for the visa, but it will cost $450 apiece, plus we need to have chest x-rays in the application. So we're looking at about another $1500 all together just to send in the applications!
So I figured if we got in on visitors visas, we could use the healthcare there to take care of the rest, right? We could borrow the extra money we need... maybe. So I start a letter writing campaign to get us into Sydney. I look up every politician I can find and write them directly. I redouble my efforts to find a direct link to a government official.
But wait... there's more!
I had been asking around in the community and someone told me that an old school chum of mine had a father that was a lobbyist... and more importantly, the head of the democratic party in our county. I'd been calling off and on since September. About 6 times all told, but I didn't want to seem like a pest, I'm trying to ask this guy for help. Well, now things were a bit more pressing. So I called my mom, she called her cousin, he called his daughter, his daughter was working on a play with this guy and asked him in person to return my call. (Why is it that no one returns my calls? Is it the desperation in my voice? I'm starting to feel like a high school nerd who can't get a date for prom!) FINALLY he returns my call
yesterday. I tell him the whole story and what I was hoping to get him to do (letters to representatives and mayors) and he tells me, "Oh, you actually want my brother! He's the one that's into politics... but he died in November."
I am not kidding. The whole friggin' universe is currently against me! People are actually dying to prevent me from returning to Oz. How fucked up is that?
So last night I made the hard decision to fold the cards. I've fought hard for 6 months and am in no better position to get back than I was before. So Ella is going home to tell the folks and look for a job. I'm going to my parents to research a job and apartments and the like.
So for all of you who were secretly praying that I wouldn't go back and that you'd have me around. You got your bloody wish.
-C
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January 10, 2007 - A Little Bit of Catching Up to Do.
Jebus, has it been a long time since I blogged.
Things have been just insane. Sure, I'm pissed about the whole deportation thing, but at the same time I'm having a blast and doing really well.
In the first weeks that I was back, Ella and I split up... not broke up, split up. We had no idea what getting back to Australia was going to entail, so she spent time at her parents house, and I spent time at MY parents house. We both researched our situation and collaborated by phone or email.
Well, I learned that I really hadn't messed up as bad as I had thought... sure, I have a black mark on my record in Australia... but it's more like a grey smudge... like pencil. Since we paid for our own ticket and we technically were "denied entry" rather than "deported" we're in a lot better position to get back. There is a possibility of a three year lockout, but we discovered that we had a lot of friends in high places and that lockout deal won't really be taking effect once we get some letters written. So the big problem becomes finding a way to go back and STAY back. Our two main options are:
- I get sponsored by SleeveMasters or another company. ($10K out of the company's pocket to sponsor me.), or
- Ella goes back to school.
Either way, since we've been living together for so long, we're defacto married under Australian law... so one visa turns into two.
Well, in the first few weeks we found out that SleeveMasters was, to put it lightly, having some issues. Money would be a problem. Even though I was very valuable, they couldn't afford the $10K right then to sponsor me. I was told time and again that things would get worked out. "We'll have an answer for you at the end of October," was what I was told. So it's time to dig in for a bit, regroup, and see what we could do about getting some work while we wait. I also set Ella to applying to schools. She applied to University of MacQuarie and University of Sydney, both within train distance. We're still waiting to hear back, but discovered that if she DOES get in, we have to come up with $10K UPFRONT for tuition. Ok, so it looks to me like $10K is the magic number. One way or the other it looks like the Australian government is going to try to squeeze that amount out of me. So what do I do? You know me... I got to work.
First on the agenda would be a short term job. Something to keep me busy until we find out what's going on back at the shop and if they'll be able to help me. I knew that I'd be here for at least a few weeks, so I borrowed my Dad's bicycle and rode down to the Walworth County Fairgrounds.
I walked up to the office and asked if they still had any employment opportunities... right away they offered me up to the treasurer's office. I got to be a money runner. Essentially what my job entailed was every day of the fair I had to show up at 7am and work until 9 or 10 at night. I was given a bag containing wrist bands and change. I would go to the gates and give them change if they needed it and pick up the money drops. If they needed more wrist bands, I would write down the numbers on the bands and give them a bundle. At the end of the shifts, I would help each of the ticket sellers to balance out their "drawer." Sounds pretty simple right? Ok, so it was kind of simple... but it did have it's moments.
The first day was infuriating. One of the veteran money runners had me follow him on a couple of runs (the first day was really slow) and then I got my own gate. The job wasn't really that difficult, but he forgot to tell me a couple things. So when it came time to count the drawers at the end of the day, the ones I had taken care of were a little bit screwy. So I was repermanded. He kept going on and on about how I need to remember to do this. He didn't say it once... he didn't say it twice... actually, I counted him saying it 6 times IN A ROW before I snapped at him. "Look, I realize that it's been a long day. I realize tempers are short. The thing is, you keep repeating yourself like I don't understand you. This is giving me the impression that you think I'm stupid. I'm about to take offense to that." Yeah, he immediately shut up and walked into another area of the office.
Then there was the bag they gave me, a bright red nylon thing. Ok, I'm wearing a t-shirt that reads "Treasurer's Office" and I'm carrying a bulky bag back and forth to the gates... tell me, why didn't they just paint a target on my back? After the first day I brought my OWN bag in, a nice heavy leather backpack... no one is going to cut that off my arm and run with it. Plus, I looked much more casual. Less of an authority figure and more of a patron.
There were also days that I just got kind of tired. Like the day that a couple of the other runners just took off for lunch and didn't tell anyone. Suddenly I'm running to three different gates on one of the busiest days of the Fair. Since it was so busy, I couldn't use the golf carts, so I just ran (First person to say "Run Forrest!" gets a mouthful of sweaty sneaker.) When I got to the one gate, they told me that they were almost out of the schedules, so I ran all the way back to the office, filled my backpack with as many as it would hold and ran back out. Now, keep in mind that it's a good quarter-mile run back to the gate I had to run to... I had already run it twice... I was running through crowds of people... and I was carrying about 20 pounds of paper in my backpack. That was an interesting day.
That same day I had been covering so many gates that I was carrying around $15 thousand dollars at one point. Let me tell you, that made me kind of nervous. I'm just one guy and I didn't have any bodyguards or anything. When the treasurer went out for singles to the bank, she came back with a police escort for her lousy $10K in singles. That made me feel even less safe. Someone should really do something about that. There HAS to be an easier and safer way than having a bunch of guys running their asses off with little bags filled with money. I mean especially when I was only making minimum wage. For the entire week, I didn't even make ONE thousand for all that responsibility. Believe you, me.... the thought of taking off with all that cash crossed my mind more than once.
I met some cool people and some real idiots. On one occasion I showed up early and took care of all my stuff... and one of the other runners wasn't around. Being the team player that I am, I offered to do his run until we could find him, as the gate had called up asking for more wrist bands. The treasurer (big boss lady) asked me to pick up someone on my way out there (with the golf cart) and take them to the gate I was going to. No biggie, right? Well, I get out to the gate and I start counting the money. The veteran ticket-seller out at the gate starts in on how when they call up for wrist bands, that should be first priority. I shouldn't waste time picking someone up. Again, I can let this stuff go, I really don't care what these people think because I only have to deal with them for 6 days. The thing is, she KEEPS IT UP. Then I'm trying to hurry up so I can go take care of my own gate and she's just dawdling. I asked her a simple yes/no question 3 times and she makes some comment about how I need to slow down or I'm going to burn myself out. That was it, I couldn't keep my mouth shut anymore. I explained to her that I realized that she had been there for many more years than I had, and that she probably knew a thing or two... but when she contradicts herself by telling me to hurry up and then telling me to slow down, well... then I just think she's an idiot, so she may as well save her breath because I'm not going to be listening to a thing she's saying... oh, and hurry the fuck up.
Yeah, she didn't like me too much after that. That's fine... I still think she's an idiot.
I also re-aquainted myself with some friends from my gas-station attendant days. One of those friends got me my first bit of independent work. One of the gentlemen in the office wanted a tattoo for his lady friend. Well, at the time I didn't have ANY equipment (all my tattoo equipment being back in Australia), heck I didn't even have any pens... so I ran into Milwaukee and picked up some nice drawing pens and some bristol plate (this stuff is impossible to find in Australia... I have no idea why... but I can get it in the U.S. at any Office Depot!) I ended up drawing him a pretty little hummingbird for his lady friend. Apparently she liked it a lot, but I have no idea if she ever had it tattooed on her.
Around this time I realized that I may be here for a while and I certainly didn't want my skills to get rusty, so I emailed my good friend Frank and he sent me out some equipment to get me by and allow me to keep tattooing. Of course, my chief concern was working on Matt Dunham. The poor boy has been waiting a full year to get more ink from me, I think he was going through withdrawals. Anyway, Frank sent me a tube, a couple bottles of ink, and a PINK tattoo machine! Yes, pink. As one person said when they saw it, "What, are you going to shave me with a Lady Bic, too?" My mom also let me borrow her credit card to purchase a replacement power supply for the one I lost when it was shipped. Over the next couple months, I purchased a bunch of other stuff and now I have a full (and very portable) kit to work with.
Other than that, the week was pretty much a wash. I worked constantly and one night I went out after work and rode on some of the rides with the other runners. It was all pretty lame. I did get to do all the things that are important to me at the fair, though. I got to eat roasted corn, a corn dog, and a funnel cake. I rode the ferris wheel and played skee-ball. That's all that mattered to me, so it was a good time.
I had to wait for THREE weeks after that to get my paycheck. You can imagine how anxious I was to get it considering I had spent the last of my money at the airport and my bank account had been drained to all but about $80. I lived on that $80 for weeks... just the bristol plate and pens cost me over $20... that's a lot when you have no income.
After the fair I got a job doing some indie webwork for Quality. I had created their website years ago and they wanted a makeover. I met with the company president and got all the materials and started working on it. What a fiasco THAT turned out to be.
I had to do the site on my parents' computer since mine was still in Oz. That caused a few problems. I didn't have the original site, so I had to download all the original info. To do that, I had to get an FTP client onto their computer... then I had to remember what the passwords were. Luckily I have a pretty decent memory for that kind of stuff. So that all went relatively smoothly, even though it was work that I wouldn't have had to do if I had my laptop with me.
I had a LOT of work to do, but the first thing I concentrated on was the forms they had. They wanted all the paper forms to be online where people could get at them. Not a huge deal, with the exception of the "terms and conditions" section. My scanner could hardly see it and I couldn't use type recognition software because the copy was in grey ink on yellow tissue stock, so I had to type them all out by hand. It was gruelling in more than one way. I was working on it for a couple of hours when my nephew came over and I went and had lunch with him. During that time, my brother worked on the computer and the file was lost. Ok, my fault, I should have saved it. So then I spent the next 5 hours retyping it.
After I finished typing out the form, I needed to scan in a few documents that I'd been given. Of course, as my luck would have it, first I had to make the scanner work. So a few minutes later I had downloaded the drivers, got the scanner running, and scanned everything I needed.
In the next 3 weeks, I edited all the scans, created some new headers for the site, created some photos for the pages, made some buttons, generally just worked on the site.
During this time I tried to keep myself occupied by going to the library and borrowing books and music. Since all my music files were in Australia, I got some CD's from the library and ripped them to my laptop for my listening pleasure. I also discovered that the Elkhorn library has a nice little selection of graphic novels! So I read the entire HellBoy series. Also, on Tuesdays I would ride up to Milwaukee with my friend Chris, as he works in Milwaukee. He had school on Tuesdays, so it was convenient to ride in with him in the morning, take the bus from his work to Ella's house, hang out for a while and then take a bus to the budget movie theater for Tuesday dollar movies. Chris would then pick me up at the theater and I'd make my way back to Elkhorn.
One of these nights I came back and wanted to get to work on the website... and I found it missing. Ben had asked me to put all my files into a specific area so that it wouldn't get lost. He uses my parents computer for a lot of his network experimenting. In one of these experiments he tried to make me a profile with an iFolders... so that my stuff would get automatically backed up. Pretty nice of him, right? Unfortunately he hit a wrong key and everything that I had on the desktop was deleted. I mean, seriously gone. There was a note on the desktop: "Oops, sorry I may have deleted some stuff."
I flipped out.
I just sat there in disbelief. It was all gone. Three weeks worth of website work, dutifully saved and resaved (and I had even considered making a CD backup of the files) and it was all gone. I hardly yelled at all. I got up and went for a walk... barefoot... in the rain. After about a half-mile walk I came back inside and called him. I know Ben knows quite a bit about forensic computer work, so I asked him if it was possible to get any of it back. I explained to him that there was 3 WEEKS worth of work missing and I had people waiting for this website. He apologized and actually considered taking off work the next day to come down and try and retreive it all. In the end, some of the files were hiding in another spot, and I only had to recreate about 10 hours worth of stuff rather than 3 weeks worth. So I told him not to worry about it and I just fired up the afterburners the next day and retyped the entire "terms and conditions" AGAIN!
Still, to top out my frustrations, my father had seen me storm off when I saw everything was missing. He takes this as me throwing some sort of temper-tantrum. Oh, please... like if anyone out there had someone destroy 3 weeks worth of diligent work, they wouldn't be pissed. So he took this time to repremand me on my behaviour. See, kids... this is why you should never put yourself into a position where you have to live with your parents while you're in your mid-30's.
Moving on.
About this time I saw an article in the paper about the local haunted house. I thought that might be a kick, so I went down to the fair office and asked about the managers or owners. They gave me someone's name and number and I called them immediately. When I didn't hear from them after a couple of days, Ella and I borrowed a car and drove down to the fairgrounds and asked in person. The guy in charge was "Ken." I asked him if he needed any help. He asked what experience I had. After delivering a laundry list of my abilities I offered, "Honestly, there isn't anyone living in Elkhorn that is MORE qualified to work here."
"Well, you certainly have balls."
"Yes, sir; but it really doesn't matter if I can back up what I say, does it?"
He hired both Ella and I for actors and told me to come in for construction the following day.
Before I left, he had showed me around a bit and asked me if I had any ideas. I hate it when people give an open ended order like that. My brain went into overdrive and I couldn't shut it off. I didn't hardly sleep at all that night.
I showed up the next day at 9am, as requested, with a laundry list of cheap and easy improvements for the haunt. I was set to work on creating a tigers head for the clown room. They gave me a sheet of canvas and sent me home to airbrush. I figure that they actually wanted to just get me out of the way. The good money was on me being full of shit. When I came back the next day with a fully rendered and evil looking tiger head... they considered that my resume, and put me to work.
The first day AT the haunt, I didn't get to do anything very creative. The day before they were SUPPOSED to have put the ceiling on the haunt... it didn't get done. So I offered my services. I mean, just because I can do all the fancy stuff doesn't mean I'm above using a staple gun. So for the next two days I hung canvas over the ceiling. My legs ached from the number of times I had to go up and down the ladder and I had created a duct-tape bandage to go over the crook between my index finger and thumb as I had developed blisters on my blisters from using the staple gun. It was fun.
Around this time I got my nickname. You see, one of the co-owners of the haunt was named Chris as well. When you have a literal maze that you're shouting through, and your go-to guy and the boss have the same name, things get confusing. They asked me if I had a nickname. I offered "Bob" but that was the name of the electrician AND one of the carpenters... so that was out. Somebody mentioned that I was on vacation from Australia and said, "How about Aussie?" "Aussie" became "Ozzie" became "Oz" and I remained "Oz" for the rest of the show.
Chris and Ken had just bought this haunt, so they were newbies far more than what I was. They bought it from a guy named "Tim." Tim, I found out that night, was a real asshole. I had some ideas about doing some faux masonary in the Egyption room. Tim was on hand that night to see how things were going. As part of the sale, he offered his expertise to make sure things ran smoothly. Chris mentioned my idea of brickwork and Tim replied, "Whoa, fellas, I think we should walk before we run." I asked him what he meant by that. He said that it was a pretty advanced skill and that he knew the people who "invented" it 10 years ago. Then he asked me, since I obviously knew how to do it, what tools would I use to cut it? I was dumbfounded that this idiot would even ask such an asinine question. At the time, I didn't know who he was. I thought he was part owner... so I just kind of sat there and stared at him.
What I WANTED to say was:
- The reason no one was doing the faux masonary previous to 10 years ago was that we didn't have Home Depot or Menards to sell us those huge chunks of foam insulation AND foam insulation wasn't even popular back then even if those stores were available to us.
- Just because he knew a couple guys who did it earlier and showed him how to do it doesn't mean that they actually invented it.
- There are a meriad of tools that you can use to cut that stuff. It all depends on the effect you want to have. For marble, you use a steel ruler and a utility knife OR for thicker material, a saber saw with a knife blade attachment. For brick, use a wood tooth attachment for your saber saw. For cement, score it with a utility knife and then break it the rest of the way. For stone, just smash it with your hands.
I mean, what "tool" ??? Singular? I wanted to beat him with a plastic femur.
So the next night was dress rehearsal. They set me up as one of the make-up artists. Apparently they had two others, the first girl didn't show up and the second girl was sort of a diva. The first night was kind of a learning experience. It had been a while since I had done airbrush make-up and even longer since I had done anyone but myself. I think I airbrushed about 6 people. At first everyone wanted Dolly to do their make-up. She was the one with all the chemicals and mirrors. She had all the prosthetics and fake blood. I sat a table away with my little airbrush kit and 5 colors. She looked like the one to go to.
After I finished I was asked to be part of the "test crowd" so I got to walk through and see everyone performing. It was interesting. Everyone wanted input so here I am giving advice on what was working well, what would be scarier, what really wasn't working. Some people were just amazing. Others so-so and the rest... I wondered why they were even there. Again, Tim was on hand and trying to give people advice. I'd have to say that 50% of what he was spouting was complete bullshit... like there is only ONE way to scare someone. Some of it was helpful, but he was such a controlling asshole about everything; not so much offering advice but rephermanding people and commanding them to do his bidding.
Little side note about Tim. Apparently he did some kind of shady things. Like trying to steal the talent away from the haunt for his haunt up in Waukesha. He did other things, supposedly, but this is the only one that I know for fact, because he tried to steal me away and I told him to go to hell.
Ella was awesome. This is the first time that I had seen her do any acting. Ok, so she still was kind of mumbling, but it worked for the character that she was playing and if you could pick out what she was saying, it was really creepy, especially in a dark room. The first pass through the haunt, I saw her standing underneath the red exit sign. She was kind of tottering back and forth and mumbing things about pulling the heads off daisys and that you shouldn't go out the exit door. Since Ella and I came into the production late, we couldn't get our own rooms, so she was given the position of "scarebox"... or a random person in the hallway, dressed in black and scare make-up. Her improv speeches were really impressing the people running the haunt... the following night she was given a different position, and the night after that she was put into the "rules room." The first room in the haunt where the rules were spouted off so that people wouldn't use lighters or beat up the actors. I found it kind of strange that she was put in this position, primarily because I usually have to REALLY listen to what she's saying... but apparently she did really well. Her first night in there, she had 5 quitters. Can't be all bad. Her first real costume was one that Dolly made up. She put her hair up into pigtails and wore a bridesmaid dress, black velvet top and deep red and black skirt. Dolly put some black cloth over Ella's eyes and used gelatin to make it look like her eyes had been melted. I then I airbrushed some creases by her mouth and some cracks in her cheeks and neck. All this gave her the appearance of a lifesize doll that had been mangled and burned. It was really freaky looking and Ella just ran with it, making comments about how she had made herself up pretty for the customers. Ella was in the rules room for about a week and then one of the main characters, who had her own room, just stopped showing up. They immediately handed Ella the room and she just took over.
The room was made up kind of like a nursery: crib, rocking chair, baby toys... but it was all sadistic: doll parts hanging from the ceiling, blood spattered everywhere, toys shredded. Ella sat in the rocking chair with a doll baby in the crib... when people would come in she would scream, "You woke him up!" and then grab the doll and start beating it against the walls or crib, "Hush little baby don't you cry!" Over the course of the haunt, she had people that were just aghast at her act. A few people threatened to call CPS (Child Protective Services) and one guy seemed really serious about it. I think out of anyone, Ella outright offended the most people. Sure, everyone else was gross or scary or bloody... but something about child abuse really bothers people. Sure, it's okay to act like you're disembowling people... as long as they're adults.. but don't pretend to hurt a child, that's just wrong.
As far as my role was concerned, I would finish up doing everyone's makeup and when everyone was ready and in the haunt and people were already going through, that's when I could go get my costume on.
For most of the haunt, I was in the Wizwell... the octagnal shaped building where they do the cattle autions during the fair, we used it as our waiting room. Years ago I drew a picture of a character that a friend of mine had envisioned. I "drew it wrong" according to him, but I really liked it and I ended up putting it on my halloween invitations. Each year after that I tried to put that character on the invitations and he kind of became my unofficial mascot. At one point, I was complaining that I couldn't think of an idea for my halloween costume and someone suggested that I be the mascot... the Pumpkinhead. I took it as a personal challenge and set to work. I didn't manage to finish it the first year, I was so caught up in my party that I didn't start the costume until the last week of October. I did manage to finish it by the following year, though and that was the year that I won the costume contest. Well, for the haunt, I decided to use the Pumpkinhead again... but this time I took him to the next level... literally. I dragged out the head but he needed a full costume, so I picked up a couple of suits at Goodwill, cut them up, and had my mom sew the sleeves and pantlegs longer. I also had my dad help make me some stilts. Both of them did perfect jobs by the way. Normally I would have just done it all myself, but I was really strapped for time with all the other responsibilities that I had picked up at the haunt. So I painted my stilts black and used some bungie cords to strap them to my all black Chucks. I wore black leggings under the pants and shredded them. I added moss and vines to the outfit, some black gloves and a staff with vines on it and I became a 7 foot tall wraith-like Pumpkinhead. I scared the bejeezus out of most people. In the waiting area I had a tall stool I would sit on, that stool was placed on a platform... then I would sit very still. We had a couple of other statues, a werewolf and a Predator, so I blended right in... and then as they were walking by I would stand up. I got just about everyone that I tried for.
The first two weeks were, to say the least, painful. I'd never made this style of stilt before and I had rigged the stilts with straps and bungie cords to tie them to my feet. It worked GREAT. The stilts were so tight to my legs and feet that they felt like part of me. On the other hand I had to wear the stupid things for 5 hours. The first night I just had socks, tights, Converse and then the straps. It was comfortable for the first hour, uncomfortable for the second hour, and after that it felt like the cords were slicing into my flesh and bending my bones. The next night I tried some very thick wool socks. It helped a little bit... but all too soon I was trying to find places to hide so that I could pull on the bungies so they wouldn't hurt my feet. The third night I tried some thick foam pads over my shoes. This again helped a bit, but since they were bungie cords and they had to stretch further, the pressure became all the more intense, even though it was spread out. I tried loosening them but I couldn't get them tight enough to keep me on the platforms and loose enough to not hurt.
By the second week I had developed a large wound on my foot. I can't really say what it was. It wasn't a blister. It wasn't a bruise. It was as if I had a growth next to one of the strap lines. That was the final straw. I had originally wanted the stilts to be something that other people could use, but I needed to develop a way to fix this. My dad offered me a pair of workboots that were too big for him. I tried them on and they were a little sloppy on me but I HAD to try them. So I drilled some holes in the bottoms and bolted them directly to the stilts, I sprayed them black athen wore a pair of regular socks, a pair of thick wool socks, and my black tights over both and ZOWIE! It worked SO well I can't even begin to tell you. After that I could DANCE on the friggin' stilts! They fit PERFECTLY. Not too tight, and snug as a bug. Absolutely perfect. They easily lasted the rest of the haunt.
Aside from the straps, I also had other pains. First off, the general physical pain in my muscles from walking on stilts. There are muscles that I don't use that often, some of them were really strained by having to walk on stilts. I also would do some odd contortions, like when I would "wilt" and "grow", I would shrink down as much as I could and have my legs at odd, knock-kneed, angles and it really put a strain on my joints. Then there was the muscular pain from the other contortions I was doing. Remember, I'm over 7 feet tall on those stilts. When I want to scare someone who is sitting on the benches, I have to bend all the way down. I'm putting about a quarter of my total weight on my staff hand in order to keep myself upright. By the end of the haunt, I could barely HOLD my staff anymore, my wrist hurt so bad. Your wrist is just not intended to have that much weight put on it sideways. I tried holding my staff in my other hand, but by the time my wrist started hurting, I had already developed the preferrance, and it was kind of like drawing with my left hand, sure, I could do it, but not efficiently. Last, there were bruises. Not from falling, but from some of my contortions. I would put so much strain on my legs by leveraging them against the stilts in order to make it look creepy that the stilts left huge bruises.
To say the least, this was not a job that you did for money. You did it for the love of the work.
There were a couple of scares that stand out in my memory:
- One was when I scared this one lady so bad that she ran backwards about 20 feet and almost knocked her children in the bleachers.
- On one of the busier nights, we had about 200 people waiting in line to get in. Everyone was up in the bleachers being entertained by Sid the Clown and me. Well, walking around on stilts isn't exactly the easiest thing on the legs, so after a couple of hours I had to take a break, so I did my little statue routine. A group came in after I had sat down and I waited for the ticket taker to go through everyone else in line and for that group to come by me. It was a group of 3 guys and 2 girls, all about in their mid-twenties. I popped up from my seat and the guy right in front of me jumped first and screamed like a little girl, this set off the rest of his group and the girls led the way in a mad stampede up the stairs of the bleachers. The entire crowd errupted with applause and a chant of "Pump-Kin-Head! Pump-Kin-Head!"
Being a scare in the waiting area is kind of tough because you're ALWAYS on and there isn't really a lot of cover for popping out and scaring people, so I had my costume doing most of the work for me. On the upside, we had this "professional" come in and speak to us the first Sunday of the haunt. He apparently does tours and sells videos on make-up and how to scare. He was so impressed with my make-up and my costume that he shot video of me and sat me down for an interview. That was one high point, especially when he joined us for the haunting that Sunday and I got more scares than him by far.
On the really busy nights, I couldn't really do my statue schtick very often, as there was NO time to reset and a lot of times the people in the bleachers would give me away to the new people. I couldn't really go up in the stands to visit with people with the stilts on... just too dangerous (Yes, I know this is ME saying it's too dangerous, but I'm really talking about the OTHER people... I could have handled a fall... but I'm not sure that their insurance would have covered it if I broke someone else's arm.) So a lot of my time was spent groping the first couple of rows and the bench seats. Sometimes, when it was really busy, I would get a "stadium wave" going in the stands. This took some doing because my character never spoke, I was a voiceless ghoul, a zombie, so I had to really work the charades angle... which was also difficult because I didn't have actual hands... a staff in one hand and a vine in the other. Still, I had people chanting and doing the wave.
A standard trick was to get into people's faces, really invade their personal space... ho-hum, everyone does that, right? Well, it doesn't work so well on guys... so what do you do? Play up the "gay" angle. You have a heterosexual male sitting there with his girlfriend and a ghoul comes up and starts stroking his head or arms (I used my "vine" hand and kept it a couple inches from actually touching... miming the action of caressing.) and then standing back a little bit and tapping the mouth of my costume with my vine-hand. Yeah, it makes it look like I'm trying to get a kiss. It freaks them OUT! I may not be that scary to some people, but everyone has their weakness.
If I couldn't get the scare, I'd always go for a laugh. I got more hugs and kisses from both men and women than I can even COUNT. Most everyone was very respectful of the Pumpkinhead... so to those of you that visited our haunt and played nice, Thank you.
Now I know you're wondering... 19 shows on stilts... did you ever fall?
Yes... once.
As with everything else that I do, I keep pushing the envelope until I find that bursting point. It had been raining, my stilts were damp, I was on finished concrete, I was running after some girls and I over-extended my stride. My one stilt went out from under me and I tried to regain my balance with my staff but there was just too much forward movement and I spun around. The hard part about this is that I fell in front of about 50 people and I could NOT get up. The bottoms of my feet were just too slick and the distance was too far away from my kneeling position. It felt like an eternity before one of the spook wranglers got to my shoulder and helped me up. All this was made so much harder because I couldn't SEE anything that was going on. My range of vision in that mask is so limited. I had someone saying, "Take my hand," and I kept repeating back, "I can't see you."
After that, I knew what my limitations were. I wasn't any more careful... but I knew how not to fall, and I also had discovered that falling did not mean a shattered kneecap or a broken leg (both of which had been dancing around in my waking dreams.)
Anyway, the Pumpkinhead was a SMASH. We had more comments about him than any other character... than all the other characters combined... the professionals were impressed, the media was impressed, everyone was taking pictures. It was a HUGE ego stroking for me... and we all know that the last thing I need is my ego stroked.
As the haunt went on, I slowly became more and more important, as a designer, as a craftsman, as an actor, and as a make-up artist.
As a make-up artist, my skills shined right back up like a penny left in Coke overnight. Slowly, everyone wanted their make-up done by me. I was far faster than Dolly or anyone else because of my airbrush, my make-up was easier to take off, and I didn't cause as much drama as other people. By the end, I was doing the make-up for about 15 people, 3/4 of the cast (that were in make-up). There were a couple people who did their own (thankfully, as I was getting really stressed out trying to keep up with that many people) and Dolly got to the point where she was only doing her own. The last week, Dolly wasn't even there (due to medical issues) and one of the managers, Nancy, started to assist me... just so I could keep up. I would end up doing make-up for about 15-18 people, some of them with custom-made prosthetics or manufactured prosthetics. I stuck to latex rather than gelatin just because I could airbrush it easier and I was more familiar with it. There just wasn't time to "learn" a different style. I had to get all those people done in about an hour and a half... and that was if people showed up on time. More often than not, they'd be calling for people to go into the haunt and I'd have a line of 4 or 5 people that I hadn't touched yet, or people would show up late and I wouldn't have had time to get to them because of it.
For instance, the clowns: Oh, my clowns. The clowns were 17 year old... um... clowns. They were obnoxious teenagers. Apparently they had gotten the job because they'd had quite a bit of experience playing clowns. Don't get me wrong, for their age, they were impressive. The problem was that they were almost never on time, they didn't take the job seriously, they pranked anyone that got too close... generally they were just a pain in the ass.
At first I went out of my way to do extra stuff for them. I mean, they're clowns, I can do all sorts of neat stuff with my airbrush and get some really cool effects. So I made all sorts of stencils and took notes on what they wanted. I pretty much tried to accomodate them in any way I could. The problem was they were always late. Apparently they had another job. They had told the owners of the haunt that they might be late on occassion because of this. It was really hard on me, though. Nearly every night, 5 minutes to open and I have two clowns to paint. Sure, I'm fast... but seriously, that's asking a lot of ANYONE. More often than not I had to rush my job and they wouldn't look as good as I knew they could. That was frustrating, especially for someone like me who takes so much pride in their work.
Then there was how they wouldn't take their jobs seriously. The two of them had a room to themselves. Everything about the room was catered to them. They were treated like stars, and their heads got pretty big because of it. They were found sleeping on the job, they were found roaming the haunt rather than staying in their room. They took extended breaks and I even heard that on occasion there wasn't ANYONE in the room. All that talent and a severe lack of responsibility. Seems like I've had to work with a lot of people like that in my life.
Then there was the pranking. Ok, sure, some pranking I can handle. Even the low level of pranking that these guys were doing... I can still handle it. The thing is, their idea of pranking fun was, for example, hitting me in the balls while I'm trying to finish their make-up.
Ok, first time, sure, "Ha ha. Very funny."
Second time, "Ok, that was funny the first time."
Third time, "Look, will you knock it off?"
37th time, "Ok, that's it, I'm gonna stab you in the throat."
You get the picture, just no idea when enough is enough. The final straw for me was when, on one of the coldest nights of the show, they got a hold of a spray bottle. They kept spraying me in the groin from across the room. Again, first time, "Ha ha, very funny." The thing is, they wouldn't let up. I'm busy trying to talk shop with people and my crotch is getting more and more soaked. I had to ride the entire way back to Milwaukee with soaking wet pants. My mindframe was that of, "Tomorrow night I'm going to start doing their make-up and then punch them in the face and hopefully knock some bone fragments into their deranged skulls so that they die... then I'll bury them in the sheep barn... no one will find them. They're always late, no one will even see me do it. I can tell everyone they never showed up. Yeah, that's a good idea."
I didn't do that.
Instead, after much brainstorming, I came up with a different plan. Try and stay with me as I attempt to explain it.
One of our main characters, the Deli Butcher, used "stink bait" for his room to give it a disgusting odor. Stink bait is, essentially, rotten chicken livers. Charlie, the Butcher, would go to great lengths to make his room smell as rancid as possible. He took great pride in it. Occasionally, it was so strong that some of the other actors in the haunt would get sick and he'd be told to "put a lid on it" for a while. On the warmer nights, it would fill the entire haunt.
Well, what I did was take a bit of the rancid liquid that the stink bait sat in, I put it into a spare airbrush bottle, and just as I finished the clowns' make-up, I said, "Oops, hold on, I missed a spot." I grabbed the bottle, shoved it in my airbrush and sprayed his entire face with it. The stench of that concentrated liquid, atomized into the air and onto his face, was tough for ME to handle. I can't imagine what it was like for him.
As I was spraying it (and he just let me) he yelped, "Ugh! What IS that?"
"This my friend, is stink bait. Payback is a bitch."
"Oh, you fucker!!!"
The one clown tried using an entire bottle of Febreeze on his face... it did nothing. He told me that I was going to re-do his make-up as soon as he washed off his face. I replied, "You can wash your face if you like, but I'm done doing make-up tonight. So good luck with that."
Yeah. It was good. Never let it be said that my revenge is anything but sweet and ever-so cold.
They were SO offended, yet everyone that they talked to gave them a kind of, "Well, you were asking for it," rather than, "Aww, poor baby." They ended up feeling unappreciated and that everyone was ganging-up on them.
After the show that night, I walked by them as we were cleaning up and asked them, "So, did you have a good night?"
"Fuck you."
"Awww, is someone a poor loser? Or are you JUST a loser?"
They almost quit that night.
I did go out and talk to them. I gave them a little speech about how not everyone likes their pranks and that they might want to consider when enough is enough. I also told them that I thought they were talented, but that some of the most talented people I know can't get a job because of how irresponsible they are. When they made mention that they were given permission to be late, I countered with, "Well, your boss isn't the only one you put out when you're late. You diminish the entire company. Next time if you can't be on time, don't take the job." I'm not sure how much of that sunk in and how much of it was when the boss went out to talk to them or when Dusty went and talked to them. All I know is that they were back the next night and they were MUCH better behaved.
Other highlights of the show were when the clowns had to miss an evening. Not that I didn't want them to show up. When they did their job, they did it more than adequately. The thing is, the night that they couldn't make it (completely planned in advance) I got to take over their room. Heh. Jim always thought I'd make a good evil clown. From the reactions of the other actors to my performance, I'd say he made an adequate assessment.
First of all, my clowns always wanted goofy make-up. I accomodated them. I did it bright and colorful. Their room was freaky enough that the contrast of light hearted make-up worked. For MY make-up, though... I wanted the evil-clown look. I did some scary eyebrows and cheek lines... and then for my mouth, I just put my hand into the fake blood and smeared it across my kisser. The effect was wicked!
I used the black-and-white motif that Dusty had discarded in the first week and wore my Pumpkinhead gloves and shoes. I twisted my bangs into sort-of hang-down horns and painted them silver. Everyone thought I was a major improvement on the happy-go-lucky clown look. Personally, I'm not so sure it was an improvement... I liked the contrast against the other ghouls... but this was what I wanted to do for me... and it worked.
I was a little unsure of my job when I stepped into it. Keep in mind that we're at the end of the third week at this point and I had only seen the haunt at the very beginning and after that I'd been remanded to the Wizwell. I'd heard horror stories at that point of people with mace, flashlights, bullies... I had no idea what the protocol was or what was expected of me... and I was going to be running a room pretty much by myself. To top things off, I hadn't seen the clowns act, so I couldn't even build on that. Everything I did was completely from scratch.
Ok, so let me explain the clown room to you. The entire room is painted bright yellow and lime green (black ceiling, dirt floor). The walls are at odd angles to give the room a surreal feel to it. The walls also have cut-outs in them so that the clowns can jump back and forth, pop out, or yell though the walls. In one corner there is the tiger head that I airbrushed and it's covered by a piece of cage. In another corner there is a ball pit. A short fence with nylon netting to hold in a few hundred brightly colored, plastic balls. The entire area is lit only by strobe lights.
My routine, after I tried out a few things, entailed sitting in the ball pit at the opposite end of the entrance and watching as people came in. I would throw the balls up and over my shoulders. With the strobe going, it kind of looked like I was juggling. Which was the only way I could do it because it was nearly impossible to juggle in a strobe light... or at least I'm not good enough to do it. As they would walk in, I would greet them kindly, "Hi! Are you my new playmate? Did you come to play with me?" All the while I'm tossing balls over my shoulder, crouched in the ball pit.
Whereas most of the ghouls would go for the scare right as people came in the door, or jump out at people as they walked through, I let them know exactly where I was and let them get comfortable with me sitting behind the fence. Oooh... scary clown. He's just going to sit there and juggle.
Once the whole group was through the doorway, that's when I would spring. I would bound fully over the fence in one leap and go running full-tilt up to the leading person. Just as I would get to them, I'd shove myself sideways and directly into the wall, hitting it with enough force to make a lot of noise and, occasionally, move the entire wall! I would then pinball myself back and forth in the hallway, yelling, "You've come to play with me! You're going to stay and be my friend! We're going to have EVER so much fun! You can stay forever! It will be great! I've been so lonely here playing with my balls. I'm so glad you're here!" All the while I'm bouncing off the walls, literally; popping back and forth though the holes in the walls, slamming my body around and narrowly missing everyone.
The basis for my character was a needy puppy.
I would keep yelling similar things until they started running out of the room. As they finally got by me, I would change my banter to, "Wait! Where are you going? You were going to stay! We were going to be friend! Why are you leaving? Don't you want to stay and play?" Slowly I would change the pitch and tone of my voice from a happy clown growl to a derranged lunatic bellow, "Wait! Don't leave me! For god's sake, people, I have abandonment issues!!!" My whole act usually took less time than it takes to read the paragraph. Even the tough guys would back away from me as I went slamming around the room. A couple people made mention that I'd had way too much caffine. Believe me, I put everything I had into that performance, primarily because I figured I wouldn't have another shot. I assumed that it was going to be that night only. As a result, at the end of the night, I could barely talk, I had bruises all over my body, and I had sweat through both my t-shirt and my sweatshirt. I slept good that night.
Everyone responded well to my act and I was cemented as one of the better actors, not just a one-trick pony with my Pumpkin costume.
That wasn't the only night that "Oz the Clown" came out to play, though. As we got further along into October, it was decided that the weekends were just too busy for the Pumpkin to be in the Wizwell. One week we tried going without the stilts so that I could clamber into the stands and get closer to people. That was a mistake. The loss in height severely diminished the Pumpkin's creepiness. No longer tall and skinny, now he was just a guy with a big head. Also, since I wasn't as scary and I was closer to the crowds, people had a tendency to yank on my vine. The vine is attached firmly to the top of my mask. The mask is VERY secure on my head. Yank on the vine, the actor gets whiplash. I got hardly any scares and my character doesn't speak, so it was impossible to go for decent laughs. Plus, I still had limited vision. I will never repeat that mistake.
Still, we needed something for me to do with the big crowds in the Wizwell. So the next weekend, the final weekend of the haunt, the big one before Halloween, "Oz" made another appearance.
The other clowns were late, so I started out in the clown room until they got there. Unfortunately for me, this was the week that Ella's sister and mother came to the haunt. I started in the clown room and they were in the haunt when I was pulled and the other clowns were put in... so they completely missed me.
After an hour in the clown room, I went up to the Wizwell. Now I could REALLY stretch my legs! I didn't have any walls to bounce off of, and honestly I was concerned about how I was going to keep my energy level that high for the entire night... but I figured I'd just go with it and see how it went.
I really got into it. It was so freeing to be able to have my full range of vision. Without the stilts, I was able to leap and climb all over the place. Without the staff or vine in my hands, I was capable of performing all sorts of tricks. The crowd never knew what hit them.
Dusty ruled the Wizwell, and he is very good at what he does, but he had back problems, a torn disk, so all of his scares were slow and just walking around. He wore a big black leather trenchcoat. Here I was, playing a mean contrast to that with running, jumping, chasing and climbing. I would walk silently around the top of the bleachers and leap two or three rows down to land right behind people. The metal bleachers would thunder when I landed and the people would whip around to see me standing directly over them. I would go running across the room and take a flying leap off of the benches, spin in mid-air, and land, sitting, directly next to the people sitting there. I would come up to people the people on the end of the row and perch on the two inches of room, my toes on the edge and sitting on my haunches, hanging over them like a vulture. I would climb the outside of the bleachers and come up behind people and walk across the top railing. There was more than one occasion that someone accused me of being an acrobat.
I hadn't had much time to come up with new banter, so I started out with the same old banter that I had been using in the clown room, that of the uber-co-dependent clown.
"Hi! I'm Oz! Will you be my friend?" This while perched over them, my face right in theirs. Well, they had one of two answers... and I had a comeback for both.
Answer 1:
"Um, sure."
"Great! We'll be great friends! Now you're not going to leave, me are you? You know, because I have trouble making friends. Well, actually it's not that I have trouble making friends, it's that I have trouble keeping them. For some reason they always leave me... they're just up and gone and all they leave behind is maybe some bone fragments... a pool of blood.... YOU won't do that, though. I can see that! We'll be friends forever! Ok, I'm going to go talk to some other people... you stay right there! Don't leave me. I'd be really upset if you left." Keep in mind that they always HAD to leave to go through the haunt, this is where the second part of my act would come in. I'd remember who had told me that they'd be my friend and I would follow them as they were leaving the building, yelling the whole time. "I thought you said you weren't going to leave me! I thought I was your friend! Where are you going? You can't leave! Don't leave me! I have abandonment issues!!!"
Answer 2:
"Um, I don't think so."
"What? Do you think you're too good for me? Sure, here I am, putting myself out there. I'm trying to make friends, trying to be a good guy! You won't even give me a chance? What is WRONG with you??!!!? You think you're all that? You're not! I have problems making friends, and it's hard for me to do this, 'cause I'm kinda shy! Here you are not even giving me a chance! Making like I'm some sort of creep, some sort of clown that you can just laugh at! Well, you'll get yours! Some night, when you're all alone, and there aren't any friends around to help you, you'll remember me! You'll remember how I could have been your friend! Maybe that will be sometime soon, maybe tonight when you're getting ready for bed... then again maybe it will be months from now when you've all but forgotten about me... but I won't have forgotten about you! Nope! I'll remember YOU!" All this, said while backing away and growing increasingly louder.
Yeah, I'm the sort of person that can give a person nightmares for MONTHS.
After a while, I started branching off and trying new material. Like when people would jump back from me, I'd shout, "What's the matter? Why are you backing away? Don't you think I'm funny? I'm a clown! I make people laugh! That's my job! Why aren't you laughing! I'm GOOD at my job!!!"
Occasionally I'd leap up next to a couple and sniff one of them, get right in their face and sniff around their head or neck. I'd then look at their partner and say, "Does this belong to you?" They would nod. "You know, a little chili powder will take the spoiled taste out of the meat. I'm assuming you're the one that spoiled them. Shame, really. A little helpful hint, when you are ready to prepare the meal, make sure they don't see it coming. You want to do it in one shot like when they butcher cattle; a bolt right to the head. If they don't see it coming, they don't tense up and it keeps the meat tender. Also, you want to hang them upside down and slice straight across the throat from ear to ear. This drains the blood very quickly. I don't know about you, but I try to keep kosher." The more detail I would put into it, the greener their complexion would go because no matter who you are, you start to envision your mate in that position, a bolt to the head, their eyes glazed over, hanging upside down with blood pouring from a huge gash in their throat... your imagination does all my work for me.
Unfortunately, I only got to work that part of my act for about 3 hours. They pulled me because another actor in the haunt was having some respitory issues. I had to fill in, in the undertaker's room. So there I am, in half my clown make-up (I took a wipe at the make-up so that it wasn't as clown-ish, but didn't have time to apply more) my clown outfit plus a heavy trenchcoat, and I put my glasses on so that it would make me look more like a mortician or an undertaker. I had to play my part in another room, and come up with another act... and try to act my way through a bad costume. I think I did okay, but I would have liked to have a little more time to prepare. we only had about 3 dozen more groups go through, so it was slow during the end... and my act did get better as I moved it along, but it was still taxing to play three different parts in one night.
The final week was kind of rough with 6 shows in a row. I'd get there around 3, start setting up and working on the people who came in early, finish make-up by 7 and be acting by 8, finish up at midnight (or 11 on the slower nights) and clean up and go home. It was brutal... fun, but brutal.
During the show I got to know Chris, one of the owners, quite well. We talked about future dealings with the haunt, how to make it better, and even about advertising and website design. I stuck to my guns that I was far more than he could afford (and by the end of the haunt, I knew I was right) but I've come to realize that people don't like to hear things like that. "Well maybe we can work something out," became his mantra.
I did end up working on a photo shoot for him, after the haunt was finished. I found out that he was renting the image that he was using for the haunt. I told him that I'd take next year's "rent" and make him a set of photos that he could use for as long as he wanted. So once the show closed, I scavanged the haunt for pieces that I needed. I came in the next week as everyone was tearing down the haunt and made a nice little photo set, complete with backdrop and lights. I took some of the more interesting actors aside and asked them to come in and be ghouls for the shoot. I also hired Ella's sister, 'Stine, to help with the shoot. She'd had some photography classes and I thought some of her work showed real talent. I had the actors show up early and I did their make-up. I took my time and did a much more detailed job on them than I had been doing on the ghouls in the haunt. On the female ghoul, Angie, I had to do most of her upper torso because she was wearing an off the shoulder dress.
Speaking of Angie, she was amazing! She just seemed to ALWAYS be "on." Eric was good, but I had primarily chosen him because of his face, it's very long and thin, making my job of making him look like a corpse so much easier. Angie, on the other hand, was exceptionally cute. The reason I chose her is that every time I took a picture of the make-up job I had done, EVERY TIME, she was in character... she was always on! In a photo shoot, that is VERY important. She was good, and the results are in the final product.
As usual, things just didn't go as planned. The high quality camera I had borrowed ended up having "issues" and I had to use my simple little Canon. Don't get me wrong, it's an exceptional camera, but it's not my first choice for a professional photo shoot. So because of the lower quality camera, the lighting was too low and a lot of the pictures came out far blurrier than what is acceptable. Still, there were enough that turned out with that serious high grain look that I have what I need to work with. Then there were other issues, like Eric's mom rushing him to get home. You know, if he had showed up when I wanted him to, then I wouldn't have to rush to get him done in time. I had wanted to start putting people's make-up on at noon... I finally got to start around 5 because everyone was so late.
So then I'm trying to work through all these problems, and I have to be IN the shot as well! I'm the Pumpkinhead... and I'm the only one that could wear the costume (in the cramped and busy set, I was also the only one with the skills on the stilts to pull it off.) 'Stine had never worked a photo shoot before, so she wasn't sure what she was doing. It was a real mess. I'm so glad things turned out as well as they did. Next time, I'm hiring more assistants and I'm going to insist that I get to do the shooting.
Still, through all the problems, the photos turned out well enough that the owners loved the raw, untouched, shots. I STILL haven't gotten around to finishing the shots, but I will soon. It's only a matter of time before I get to go back to Australia.
So then, a couple weeks after the haunt, we had the after-party. The party was held at Bobby Rockets, a club between Lake Geneva and Burlington. I want to highly recommend their pizza. I have never had a pizza like this before. I had a slice of pepperoni and sausage: standard toppings, nothing that spectacular about the specific taste, it was good, but not something that made me wilt. What really got me was the amount of toppings. It was crust, tomato sauce, pepperoni, sausage, and cheese. The toppings were so dense that the cheese never touched the pepperoni, the pepperoni was never dipped into the tomato sauce... it was the most topping-thick pizza I've ever eaten. I have no idea what they paid for it, but it was worth it! I haven't gone back yet, but I'm planning on it soon.
At the party, the owners requested that I show up early and help people with their costumes (obviously, since it's an after-party for a haunt, it was a costume party). I don't know why, but I said yes. So I showed up with my kit and actually did a few jobs and I also did some cute stencils on people. I even airbrushed Chris. The other owner, Ken, was too much of a stick in the mud. He wouldn't let me near him.
The party was also our final payday. Chris was there handing out the pay to everyone. When he started, I was busy working on make-up, so I figured I'd just catch him later. When I finally did catch up with him a few hours later, he was out of money. I'm serious. There were very few people who worked more or harder than Ella and I... and he hadn't paid either of us. Sure, the clowns got their pay. Not me, though. Nope. I got sent home with almost nothing. For my previous paychecks, I had been giving my mom the bulk of the money to pay off some of the debt I accrued while I was gone, for how I got home, and for supplies here and there while I've been back. So both Ella and I were totally broke at that point. We had just worked a month and needed the paycheck. He gave us a few bucks so we could afford the gas to get home, but we had planned on getting a hotel room so we could finally be alone for the first time in months... and that was out. It was a big let down. He did eventually pay us, but we would have liked it on time. Goes to show you, you put in the extra work and people will still forget about you.
Since then, Chris and I have talked about putting the Pumpkinhead into production... but haven't done anything about it. I told him I'd make him a copy, but I just haven't had time.
I took a couple days to recoup, but after the shoot and everything, my first priority was getting the Quality website done. I fired up the afterburners and locked myself away in bedrooms and did nothing but work on that for nearly a month. By the time the haunt was completely finished, it was nearly Thanksgiving and the owner of the site needed it finished and billed before the end of the year.
During this time, Meg invited Ella and I to go to Georgia with her. At the time, Ella and I just couldn't afford to go with. I had to finish that website and we really didn't have the extra funds to put towards a hotel room. I'm really kind of upset we couldn't go, even now, a month later. It would have been fun, I could have made some new contacts, and we would have had a lot of time to get to know Meg better... not to mention, she calls me up and she's assembling a Segway for her boss. I would have been happy to do that for the privilage of trying it out. I can't believe the things have been out for as long as they have and I've only seen 2 up close... and haven't had the chance to ride one yet. Would I buy one? No... but the technology is fascinating and it's a cool toy. It'd be fun to play on for 10 minutes or so until I got bored and went back to my perfectly good feet.
Christmas and Thanksgiving were kind of a blur. It all just smeared together. Both days, Ella and I had to start out in Milwaukee, drive to Elkhorn, drive to Chicago, and then back to Milwaukee. So it was a whole lot of driving and very little socializing.
New Years Eve was awful. Last year we were standing on the edge of Sydney Harbor, watching the fireworks go off over the Harbor Bridge and Opera House. This year we didn't even get to spend it together. Due to some poor planning, Ella was at her parents house and I was at my parents house. At about 11:30 I called her on the phone and talked to her until quarter after midnight. Well... at least we weren't alone.
To wrap up, our January thus far has been kind of hectic. We discovered that classes start on February 13th. That means that we have less than a month and everything needs to be wrapped up in a neat little bow and we have to be in Sydney. We haven't even heard from the school yet! So cross your fingers. We'll need it.
-C
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